Discovering self-worth

“YOU ARE WORTH THE JACKET,” my father sternly yet lovingly said to me at the end of a heated conversation about Christmas presents.  At the time I really didn’t understand what he was saying: how could the choice to buy a jacket be translated into a larger interpretation of how much or little I value myself?  I thought to myself “this is way too much of a leap, there is no way.”  Humility struck again and I must admit my father was right.  Lets Tarantino this (as Dane Cook would say) and I’ll take you back to the beginning…

My father, like most fathers, is a loving yet assertive man.  He’s an Army veteran who served during Vietnam and grew up the 3rd child of 4 with only sisters.  He put himself through school, and received his Ph.D in Psychology with no assistance from his family.  Yes, that’s right, growing up with a psychologist for a father was always interesting.  I talked about my feelings…a lot…and there were endless hugs (even if I didn’t want them).  I love my father, both my parent’s for that matter, but I have to admit, I’m a Daddy’s Girl.  Always have been and always will be.

This conversation started like any other “what would you like for Christmas, Rebecca?” Innocent enough, right? Wrong.  I told him I’d get back to him because I was at work and didn’t have the time to think about it at the moment.  A few hours later I get an e-mail from him saying there is a sale going on one of the stores he frequents and asked if maybe I’d like something from there.  Again, I was too caught up with work and responded with a quick “I’ll check when I get home.”

When I got home I looked through the site and found these absolutely adorable winter jackets.  I’m perpetually cold and they looked oh so warm.  I found 3.  I sent him the link to each, in my order of preference…sort of.  See, I’ve always been very cautious with my finances, to the point when I was a little girl and my family would do Sunday dinner’s at a restaurant my Grandma would complain that I ordered with the right side of my menu (where the prices were often located).  It’s true, spending money, mine or anyone else’s is difficult, but I never thought of it in the way my father was about to describe.  He called me when he got my e-mail and said something to the effect of: you put the most expensive coat at the bottom but in parentheses you wrote this is the one you really wanted, why did you put it [insert: yourself] at the bottom of the list?  It was at this moment he began to explain (as only a psychologist father can) that “this is part of a larger issue,” and that “you don’t think you are worth the jacket.”  There was a pause in the conversation, because truthfully I thought he’d like the fact that I was trying to save him money, and then he replied “YOU ARE WORTH THE JACKET.”

A week later I received the jacket in the mail and I absolutely LOVE it.  I wear it every day.
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I’m not saying go out and spend money you don’t have, please live within your means, but if there is something that is within your means, like this jacket is for my parents, go for it, treat yourself, enjoy the gifts of your hard work.  I mentioned magazines in  my previous post about vision boards and this is where it ties in.  The little things in life can make a huge difference.  What I’ve tried to do is one nice thing for myself every day, which may or may not have a monetary component.  I love nail polish (and I’m the furthest from girly but I still love it) so when I see one I like, if I haven’t done something nice for myself that day, I’ll buy it.  

Go to the gym, get a massage, plan a trip, sleep in, cuddle with God, give yourself a break.

The word of the month (and possibly year) is empowerment.  Let go of the control you think you have over your life and be empowered to accomplish your dreams.  Speak into existence the wonderful things you know you deserve (and even if you don’t know/think you deserve them, speak it anyway because I’m here to tell you, you do deserve it).

When I rest my head on the pillow, no matter how the day went, I want to be serene, relaxed, calm, and empowered to know that I did my best…and even if I didn’t God loves me anyway.  Imperfectly perfect.

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